The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 1-7)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious 280-character musings.
To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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My superpower is having another coffee I don't need
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 4, 2018
Ladies, if you think it’s okay to wear a shirt without a bra and I can see your whole ass nipples……you’d be correct that shits fire please keep doing that
— mayana (@mayanakatherine) September 3, 2018
Accidentally referred to a Prius as a Hummus. That’s what it’s called now. I like your Toyota Hummus. I’m sorry I hit your Toyota Hummus
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 4, 2018
Single at 23: “I have to go out and meet someone!”
Single at 29: “If it’s meant to be the right person will find me in my home.”
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) September 1, 2018
I wonder who is laughing at me harder when I pack my bag for a vacation: my workout clothes or my book.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) September 3, 2018
The picture form of “what you not gone do” pic.twitter.com/1dXA8E7hhD
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 6, 2018
Journalism is basically everything you hate about dating:
"They've read it and not replied, how long do I need to give it before I text again?"
"They've been online but they haven't read my message, have they done that on purpose?"
"What if they're speaking to somebody else?"
— Hannah Al-Othman 🐝 (@HannahAlOthman) September 4, 2018
To All The Tabs I’ve Opened Before And Then Optimistically Saved As An Enormous Bookmark And Never Looked At Again
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 4, 2018
Tonight I am going to do yoga, and by do yoga I mean I am going to lie on my living room floor until my roommate's cat sits on my chest
— Jill Capewell (@capeybara) September 4, 2018
I generously ballparked some NyQuil & now I don’t have a cold but I do have an idea for a new religion.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 5, 2018
what is a meat pumpkin spice latte. i will eat it i don’t care pic.twitter.com/G6Hyl0riXX
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) September 5, 2018
Walking Luna & just got hollered at in a very affirming way by a guy who goes “DAMN girl bet you’re out here workin HARD to keep a house big enough to put that big ass DOG in!!” Sir honestly yes
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) September 6, 2018
I haven’t been on Twitter much and I thought it would be good for my mental health except now I gotta fit 12 hours of rage in 15 minutes.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) September 5, 2018
Lol at the guy who just sent me the word "Sex"
— Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok) September 5, 2018
Hell yeah I want to go to a BBQ (bar, but quiet).
— Tinker Elle (@elle91) September 3, 2018
She never specified what kind of foot long… WELCOME HOME BENTLEY BABY pic.twitter.com/MrU6ny4Y5b
— kelseygrace (@_kelseygracee) September 4, 2018
If you hear screams from this hotel room, I'm not being murdered. I'm trying to follow a YouTube video for a beachy sideswept hairstyle.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 1, 2018
“ I can stop anytime I want” I say, three quarters of my way through a sheet cake.
— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) September 6, 2018
Ok but how fukin TIGHT was it rearranging your room when you were younger and it feeling like a different space and you’d show your parents and they’d be like wow very nice and you’d be like FUCK yes new room new me
— Bay (@i_BAYlooknurway) September 3, 2018
By the amount of fires, it appears that nike has announced it's moving from cleveland to miami.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) September 4, 2018
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