The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 1-7)

The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 1-7)

“I wonder who is laughing at me harder when I pack my bag for a vacation: my workout clothes or my book.”

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious 280-character musings.

To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.

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My superpower is having another coffee I don't need

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 4, 2018

Ladies, if you think it’s okay to wear a shirt without a bra and I can see your whole ass nipples……you’d be correct that shits fire please keep doing that

— mayana (@mayanakatherine) September 3, 2018

Accidentally referred to a Prius as a Hummus. That’s what it’s called now. I like your Toyota Hummus. I’m sorry I hit your Toyota Hummus

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 4, 2018

Single at 23: “I have to go out and meet someone!”

Single at 29: “If it’s meant to be the right person will find me in my home.”

— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) September 1, 2018

I wonder who is laughing at me harder when I pack my bag for a vacation: my workout clothes or my book.

— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) September 3, 2018

The picture form of “what you not gone do”

— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 6, 2018

Journalism is basically everything you hate about dating:

"They've read it and not replied, how long do I need to give it before I text again?"

"They've been online but they haven't read my message, have they done that on purpose?"

"What if they're speaking to somebody else?"

— Hannah Al-Othman 🐝 (@HannahAlOthman) September 4, 2018

To All The Tabs I’ve Opened Before And Then Optimistically Saved As An Enormous Bookmark And Never Looked At Again

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 4, 2018

Tonight I am going to do yoga, and by do yoga I mean I am going to lie on my living room floor until my roommate's cat sits on my chest

— Jill Capewell (@capeybara) September 4, 2018

I generously ballparked some NyQuil & now I don’t have a cold but I do have an idea for a new religion.

— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 5, 2018

what is a meat pumpkin spice latte. i will eat it i don’t care

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) September 5, 2018

Walking Luna & just got hollered at in a very affirming way by a guy who goes “DAMN girl bet you’re out here workin HARD to keep a house big enough to put that big ass DOG in!!” Sir honestly yes

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) September 6, 2018

I haven’t been on Twitter much and I thought it would be good for my mental health except now I gotta fit 12 hours of rage in 15 minutes.

— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) September 5, 2018

Lol at the guy who just sent me the word "Sex"

— Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok) September 5, 2018

Hell yeah I want to go to a BBQ (bar, but quiet).

— Tinker Elle (@elle91) September 3, 2018

She never specified what kind of foot long… WELCOME HOME BENTLEY BABY

— kelseygrace (@_kelseygracee) September 4, 2018

If you hear screams from this hotel room, I'm not being murdered. I'm trying to follow a YouTube video for a beachy sideswept hairstyle.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 1, 2018

“ I can stop anytime I want” I say, three quarters of my way through a sheet cake.

— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) September 6, 2018

Ok but how fukin TIGHT was it rearranging your room when you were younger and it feeling like a different space and you’d show your parents and they’d be like wow very nice and you’d be like FUCK yes new room new me

— Bay (@i_BAYlooknurway) September 3, 2018

By the amount of fires, it appears that nike has announced it's moving from cleveland to miami.

— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) September 4, 2018


Alanna Vagianos

Women’s Reporter, HuffPost
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